December 12, 2007

2nd Floor Lobby, White Swan Hotel, Guangzhou

Where have two days gone? I have wanted, and have tried, unsuccessfully, to get back to "our" journal. Yes, this is our journal, because it's as much for you later (your whole life really) as it is for me. You may have many questions later. I am sure we will talk about them all over the years but perhaps there will be a certain depth, rather than breadth, found here that conversation can't portray.

Since my last letter a lot has happened. Biggest and best of course, we met! You and the rest of the family were united on Dec. 10, 2007 at approx. 4:15pm at the Civil Affairs office in Guangzhou, China. If by the time you read this you're not already aware, let me tell you that God has a sense of humor. On the bus to go to Civil Affairs, we were sitting in the back, thus we were last to get off. There are 11 families in our group so we had to go up the elevator in stages. Being last in line we were also last waiting for an elevator. While we waited, a nice, young Chinese lady (a girl really) came in and waited behind us. She had one hand full of stuff (bags, etc) and holding her other hand was a young girl. For what ever reason I didn't get a good look, I just knew they were there behind us. After some time, I noticed some activity in front of me as your sisters were whispering and pointing very discretely. One of them leaned toward your mom and whispered to her. Your mom looked over and down and focused as she examined the little girl. Next her eyes shot to me. I could read her lips as she silently mouthed "that's her!" Of course by this time I had already looked at the little girl causing the commotion but at my angle and the direction you were facing, all I could see was the top and back of your head and shoulders. I think I just smiled at your mom's "that's her" news. I didn't want to believe it, nor did I want your mom to believe it, in case she was wrong. We were already too nervous. Disappointment was the last thing we needed. I continued to watch you and your mom and sisters. At this moment you showed us a glimpse of your personality for the first time. You realized that they were looking, pointing, and talking about you so you turned slightly and took a step toward your orphanage representative, the young lady, and effectively turned your back to us. Our first peek at little miss independent. Over the last couple of days we have seen numerous similar displays of independence. I don't mean that negatively. It's just a statement of fact, if you can do it on your own, you prefer to do it on your own. As a matter of fact, yesterday, Katie, Gracie, and myself are all certain we heard you say, very clearly I might add, "I do it," as they tried to help you with something.

Back to the "gotcha" moment. That's what they call today, "Gotcha Day." We had been told on the bus that we would be the second family to be united with their child. As a result, we were ready... ready for someone else to go first that is. Suddenly Grace and Kathy, our CCAI representatives here in Guangzhou, move across the room saying "Jim and Tammy"

okay - I find that writing this is hard and am holding back tears so as to not make a scene in the lobby...

they move across the room saying "Jim and Tammy" and I am trying to hand over our video camera, the still picture camera was already handed to someone, when I turn back you have already made your entrance. Your mom and sisters have moved toward you and are bending and squatting to get to your level. Your orphanage rep, the young lady, is encouraging you with imperceptible words. I moved to join them. I want to see you and see your response but I am careful not to crowd you. Initially you pause, step back, and want to retreat to the young lady. She bravely and dutifully nudges and encourages you back. This was the moment I waived goodbye to the idea you'd come running into our arms. At the same moment I calmed and wanted to nurture, remembering what I had told myself dozens of times leading up to this moment, "she may have a tough time, we are strangers to her, she was close to her foster family, etc." Your mom instinctively went for the peanuts, your favorite snack we have been told. You would not let her feed it to you (more independence) but you would take it into your hand and feed yourself. You liked it and this scene repeated itself three or four times. Finally you allowed mom to feed you a peanut - the first breakthrough!

As a family, all of us moved to the end of a nearby sofa. The sofa went along three walls and had no arms on the end. Even though we were on the end, we really occupied two small sides making up a corner so we surrounded you to some degree. The young lady from the orphanage was still with us, a good thing, and the peanut feast continued, along with some water to wash 'em down. After a while the young lady stepped away to see how you would do. You sort of kept an eye on her and were all right if she was visible and the peanuts kept coming. The second breakthrough!

The big breakthrough came when my hand remained extended, palm up, and you had already taken the peanut out of my hand. You raised your hand high in the air, and in a flash, came down to slap mine. You "gave me five!" You smiled a big smile and suddenly we were playing. You decided I was "alright" enough to give me five and I hadn't even asked. Obviously this is a game you played with your foster father. Your sisters tried to "get five" from you but once again they saw your back. This was reserved for dad's only.

Up until now you had not really wanted to be touched. At some point we had all gotten off the couch, including you, and were standing. I thought to test the waters some more. I tried to pick you up. You had rejected your sisters' touching so I expected to same. Evidently, anyone ok to "slap five" is ok to let pick you up. You did not resist at all. I held you 5-10 minutes and that was enough. You were ready to get down and that was fine. You and I had crossed a significant bridge together and it was clear you were "daddy's girl." You had been a daddy's girl in foster care and you were a daddy's girl with your family.

You became a bit of a star during this "gotcha" time. Everyone else in our group of 11 received babies. Clearly you were the only one walking, running, throwing, catching, etc. Yes, that's right, throwing and catching. Your mom did such a good job. She packed the peanuts, the water, and even a soft inflatable ball that you loved. God really blessed this time. Our gotcha time went wonderfully well, and your mom knew all the right things to bring. God's grace and gifting are everywhere.

I need to go soon so let me wrap up "gotcha day." Back at the hotel you indicated that you needed to use the bathroom (#2) and you proved that even though it was only the second time you had used a "western" toilet, you could do it just fine. You took a bath and showed how you could bath yourself. You ate pizza, as far as we know for the first time in your life, and loved it. Mom made a pallet on the floor and you and Gracie slept together, just like you will when we get home.

It's time for me to get back to the room now. I'll try to write more to you later. Remember, I love you very much. God loves you too. I already know this but today made it even clearer how much. Love, Dad.