December 14,2007

Hotel Room 1036
Discipline Matters

I'm in your room writing for just a few minutes as all of you are in my room asleep. That is except Gracie. As usual she took about 2 seconds after we arrived to find a friend. She is out with that family now.

Today we (you, me, Katie, Gracie) toured a Buddhist temple, The Old Chen House, and a folk art shop. The temple and the house were 2 more fine examples of Chinese culture and history. The folk art shop, well, that was shopping. I did get some things though; a 10 pair chopstick set with stands, an ox bone carved chess set of either the Quing or Ming Dynasty, and Katie found ear rings for herself, a hair pin for Jane Ellen and a nail file for mom. The last 3 items were all closina (I can't spell it). All in all, it was a nice morning.

Mom and Jane Ellen stayed at the hotel as Jane Ellen isn't feeling well. I thought it would be good for mom to stay with her so they could chat (girl talk) and that it may give mom a chance to read her bible and/or listen to a sermon. The confines of the hotel, being away from home and normalcy, lack of fellowship with her friends, being off schedule, etc have added up. Your mom is handling it well but what I'm seeing is also self-control, patience, and sanctification. That doesn't mean she's not getting eaten up inside and I don't know it. We know we need to get some together time. We don't know when that will be. Besides the activities and official business we stay busy. Eating involves going out as a family. That's not conducive to the talking and fellowship we need. Our bodies' clocks have adjusted well but we still seem to be on different clocks as I'm up early and down early. She's up later and down later. Your too young to understand what I mean by all this now but when you are becoming a woman, preparing for marriage, and after you become a wife and mother, you will understand.

All of this, plus one other big thing, sort of have us humbled right now. I say humbled because we can't solve it on our own. We need God. Only he can solve it and give us the grace to work through it in a way that glorifies Him. The one big thing I'm referring to is you. Well before I had imagined it, we have had to begin applying some discipline. Your mom may have anticipated discipline before I did, but I don't know if she was ready now or not either. I thing she may have been prepared. She's done wonderfully with it all. I have been a bit tardy but am coming around. Today was my opportunity to step up as I was with you on the tour and mom was not. More on that in a bit.

First, the Buddhist temple. It was much smaller than I had anticipated. There were several statues, very large, large, and small inside. Some appeared made of gold (the largest), some jade and other stones, and others looked like plastic but it's hard to tell. In the center was a tall pagoda. Our guides told us that although it looked like 9 stories tall from the outside, on the inside it was actually 12 stories. We couldn't go inside. The troubling part of being here is seeing the number of people inside worshiping these statues. Sure, in their mind they are not worshiping a statue, but rather Buddha...or one of the Buddhas, it appears there are several... including one female. I know, and pray that you come to this knowledge by the grace of God, that what they are praying to is just raw material, stone, wood, metal, etc. I've never seen stone, wood or metal perform miracles and I definitely know they don't provide the path to eternal life or repair relationships with God. Only a relationship with Jesus can repair relationships with God and that's the only way to eternal life.

As we went round the temple there was one lady who just happened to be at the same place we were on several occasions. I wondered how many different "prayers" she offered to how many different statues and how many sticks of inscents she burned, not to mention the money she placed in offering boxes and food on plates. Besides her ceremonies, there were other official ceremonies going on with long single row lines of people, maybe monks, perhaps some not, moving about from one building to another, hitting cymbals and drums and burning more inscents. There was one old monk getting led around by a couple younger monks. He was led into an inner area of one building containing a demonish looking statue. Tourist and worshipers could see inside and take photos but not go inside. This old man looked very happy as he kept a smile on his face. How misled. I don't know anything about buddhism so I don't know what he has been promised in his faith, eternal life, reincarnation, peace, etc... but what a lie. Part of this tour included an optional "blessing" by the monks for the adoptive children. It was optional and we opted out, as many of the Christian families do. Our guides told us on the way over that it was not a religious thing. Rather it was more or less a way of saying thank you for adopting the children. Regardless, God has commanded that He is the one and only god, there are no others, and that man should not worship any graven image. I'm opting for God's commands, His pleasure, and His glory. Not the blessing of a misguided, mortal human being.

You were fairly well behaved here. The next stop was at the Old Chen House. This is where my luck ran out. (By the way, I don't literally mean that, luck has nothing to do with it). You and I had our battle of wills. The Old Chen House (that's Chan in America) was built by members of the Chen family. The 2 largest families in China are the Chen and the Lee. The Chens donated monies 110 years or so ago to build this site for the benefit of the whole family. They could come here to worship their common ancestors. There was also an academy on site for the benefit of training family members who desired to earn jobs within the old feudal system (before the overthrow of the dynasties and before communism) that required education. Under communism, the property was seized by the government and turned into a cultural museum. As a matter of fact, that name Old Chen House isn't even the official name. The government would never allow that. This was a beautiful place. Carved porcelain , stone and wood. The many courtyards, rooms, gardens, and statues were a testament to the care to detail taken in old works in China. While in one of these courtyards, right were everyone could see, you and I did battle. I mean that figuratively of course. Something happened to cause you to pitch a fit. You threw down a museum brochure you had been carrying and started sounding out like a peacock. This sound commonly precedes your "aaa...aaa...aaa" I wrote about in an earlier letter. Your mother and I had already started addressing your fits and sounding out and of course I needed to follow through here and now. I pointed to the brochure and told you to pick it up. You held your ground and continued to sound like a peacock. Neither of us budged. I moved you close enough to the brochure to make it easier for you and to make sure you knew what I wanted (still struggling with the language barrier). Now you wanted to get away. I knelt down and loosely put my arms around you sort of like a corral. This kept you close to the brochure, still needing to be picked up, but also gave you freedom to move. We had been told that in China, "personal space" and starring were handled differently. The performance you and I were putting on attracted quite the audience. Chinese people stood around, within just feet of us, starring, not even roughly discreetly, at us. In the distance I saw Grace, one of the CCAI representatives, watching. Of course she had seen you act out and heard you sound out before. But this was the worst and the longest. We went through 2 or 3 episodes where I would pick up the brochure, using your hand, and you'd throw it back down. You'd throw it far enough so that we would have to move to get close enough for the next round. You would "mmm...mmm...mmm" and "aaa...aaa...aaa" and cry. Big tears. Finally you turned, looked me eye to eye (I was knelt down to your level), our noses just inches apart, and yelled 3 syllables in Chinese (unintelligible words to me), then turned away continuing to cry. This went on a good 10 minutes. We had developed quite an audience by this time. I don't recall what started it but all it took to end it was for you to pick up the brochure you had thrown down in a fit. Finally you eased up a bit, I used your hand to pick up the brochure, and Grace, still watching in the distance, walked over to help. She spoke to you in Chinese, (Mandarin which you don't understand, but we think it calms you regardless) and pointed to a room with puppets on display. You let me pick you up (I think you were wore out) and we went to look at puppets. You continued with a very low and subtle "mmm...mmm...mmm" which I began to think was a calming technique you had developed either in the orphanage or in foster care. The rest of the outing went ok, with a few intermittent "aaa...aaa...aaa" and "mmm...mmm...mmm's" to follow. The pinnacle however was the 3 syllables rifled at me from shore range. At that moment you were royally ticked. At that moment you were not happy about this adoption thing. At that moment, as far as I know, you were in mourning for your foster family. They had been your "family" for the last year-and-a-half, since the age of about 2yrs, and you had grown close to them. They took you from a child labeled "development delayed" to the everyone looked at now and said "big grl." This time is hard on you, and us. We are doing what we know is right in loving you by setting boundaries, limits, and parameters for appropriate and inappropriate behavior. You are responding. In between these not so happy moments are lots of very happy times. God established rules and authority for our benefit and His glory. Mom and dad have authorities we must answer to. God is the most important one. He tells us to "train you up" so that is what we must do. We do it out of love for you and for your future. Like I said, it's hard on all of us but you are learning the benefits quickly. I also believe you are coming to realize it's a sign of love and a sign that this relationship means something. These folks aren't going anywhere. That's a promise I make to you now. You will never need another mom or dad or family (God willing and may He give us the years). Remember the words I wrote in an earlier letter, you are just as much a part of this family as the other children, entitled to everything they are entitled to, including all of me and your mom's love. I love you, dad.